We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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