You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
FUCK WHALES
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
