K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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