You just made me feel so damn special
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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