When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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