8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
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In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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