i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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