My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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