my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
