Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
