I think im going to throw up on grandma
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
