Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
