let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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