Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
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HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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