I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fuck appropriateness.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize