john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize