Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
