Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
