You're so nebulous sometimes
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
