i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
