if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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