I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize