Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
