did you get engaged???
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
