fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
