ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
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