I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
