giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
