man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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