Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber