Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Not even the dog will look at me anymore.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

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(856): View more from New Jersey

there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(240): View more from Maryland

She's the barista slut.

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(323): View more from California

Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

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(303): View more from Colorado

You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.

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(903): View more from Texas

EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.

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(619): View more from California

You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you

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