Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
