I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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She's the barista slut.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you