dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We're too hungover to prance.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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