how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
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also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there