My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
