Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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