My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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