you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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