New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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