I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
