he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
