Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
