By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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