I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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