Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
