I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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