what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm always down for nudity.
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