Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
