I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
