Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
