last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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