your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
