Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
