So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Alive.
So much puke
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
