I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
