I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
