i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
