if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
