So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drunk is not a location!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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