dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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