I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize