dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
