I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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