i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
