dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
