Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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