Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
