Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
