what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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