So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
