Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
