We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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