dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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