i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize