Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
