she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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