why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
