"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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