the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
