Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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