so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
