You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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