I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
